I don’t understand emotions.
I don’t understand humans really.
And I don’t understand greed.
Why is it I feel so bloody helpless in a world that needs help? What is there that I can do that might actually accomplish something worth while?
And why the hell am I so bloody lonely all the time?
Where did all my friends go? Am I so horrible a person that no one wants to talk to me? Do I pay attention to real issues enough that people don’t want to listen anymore? What the hell?
I try to learn from what I read. I try to figure out what’s going on. I try to share this and see what other people think about the same issues. However, I have found that mostly people don’t want to listen, don’t want to discuss what’s going on, don’t want to learn, don’t want to change the world, the country, the city they live in. They might want to complain, but no actions are done, nothing, to change what’s wrong. They might want to have companionship, but not mine. Never mine. They think me awkward. Yes, I am. I’m sorry. I’ve always been awkward. I can’t help it. It’s what and part of who I am. And yes, I have tried to change it. By trying I simply became even more awkward. So I just relax and figure if someone thinks me worthy they’ll come, they’ll talk, and they’ll listen. So far, not many are willing to do that. Most laugh and then walk away quickly like I’m some lunatic. I’m not. I’m just aware, that’s all. I see what the people in power are doing, I see how the system is failing all of us and I’m angry. I’m very, very angry. They should be too though. They’re not. I don’t understand why. Why shouldn’t we be angry that the people in power are staying in power not because we want them there, but because they lie, cheat and steal to stay there? Why shouldn’t we be angry that these same people who took solemn oaths to uphold the law do things like tax evasion and then don’t even get a slap on the wrist? Why shouldn’t we be angry that the USA is the only country where a CEO makes more than 25 times the average amount of the employees in their company? Why shouldn’t we be angry that the people in charge of our liberties are trying to take them away, trying to keep us and future generations from getting a good education, good healthcare, work benefits like retirement money, vacation, equal opportunities for advancement? We should be pissed off like no other! Yet somehow, someway they’ve managed to keep a large part of the population complacent. They give us empty promises by using false or misleading statistics saying that the economy is getting better, that there are jobs, that getting a good education means you can get one of these jobs and have enough income to raise a family and pay off any student loans. They lie. Even if I do get the career I want out of college I know I won’t be able to do both. I know this. I also know that I’m going into an age where I don’t want to give birth for fear of damaging my body. I can’t wait too long you know, there does come a point when it’s dangerous. I also know that I’m not the only one in my position either. Where is the revolution that should be? Occupy? Bah… I know they’re trying, but they’re failing too. Even when I research what’s going on with them through alternate means other than your basic news I don’t find much. Also, where are they here? It’s a tiny camp, in a tiny park in a tiny ghetto-like neighborhood that doesn’t do anything meaningful. It does mean something to occupy a space, but only if you occupy the RIGHT space. They’re not in the right space, they’re in the easy space. What is right isn’t always easy and what is easy isn’t always right.
You’re probably asking then why don’t I go out and do the protests myself? I know… that’s part of what makes me angry too. I’m angry at myself for not being courageous enough to risk it all for my fellow-man. Instead I’m looking to home with my husband, wondering what effect my actions would have on him. What if I get arrested? How will we afford bail? I can’t rely on anyone else to pay my bail after all. The main organization that runs Occupy doesn’t support us here for some reason. They should, but they don’t, which means that they won’t pay if any of us get arrested. So we have to be especially careful. The people at the almost-insignificant camp here don’t have the money so I can’t rely on them either. I have to rely on myself, and I don’t have the money personally and I know it. What would happen if I got injured too? Yes, I have health insurance through my college, but would it cover that? I don’t know. And I know there is a copay, which I also can’t afford. So I have to be careful there as well. I know, that makes me a hypocrite for not going out and being active in whatever. I’m sorry. I really am. I want to be, and god willing I will be when I can. Maybe this is how we’re all chained… we have been taught to think about those around us first before we can think about all those in the country as a whole. It’s no longer about our society anymore but about our individual families. But don’t those families suffer by our inaction too? Where does this all fit in? How can we start a real revolution, something that can’t be ignored, something that even the media who wants us to be silent and non-existant can’t get rid of? It needs to be bigger than OWS, bigger than the Anonymous attacks on the sites when SOPA and PIPA were a threat (not that it’s gone away completely, but at least it’s not going to be passed tomorrow). It needs to be universal in its message, strong in its organization and brotherhood, and it needs to be now. We, myself included in this, need to get off our collective asses and get going with this before it’s too late. We need to do this before it becomes completely illegal to even protest peacefully here and people get killed for speaking up. We should never allow it to get this far and if by writing this they come for me, then so be it. I have to start somewhere. (Though honestly I doubt they’ll come, I’m not significant enough to be a threat really.)
When they came for the Jews I did not stand up for I am not a Jew…
When they came for the Catholics I did not stand up for I am not a Catholic….
When they came for me, there was no one left.